On facebook they are doing this thing where you can make a collage of all of your status updates for the year. My curiosity wanted a reminder on what has been on my mind throughout the whole year. I went through them this morning (I'll do anything to pretend my political science debate isn't happening tomorrow) and I have to admit I was laughing my butt off at some of the things and responses to the thoughts shared.
That's all beside the point. As soon as I reached January 1st the status said "my runway never looked so clear" (a la Rihanna) and my most recent status was "feels like I just collided with a moose". Clearly, my runway wasn't as clear as I thought.
I found irony in this because this year I unintentionally started my life over, with a completely clear...runway. It started off with some amount of suffering and heartache that if you asked in January, I was never going to get over it.
Somewhere between February and September I figured out my life. That was the first time that has ever happened. As I went through a slew of half A** relationships (aside from any other year?) and was pushed back into school, I found out who I was, I know what I like, I have an idea of what I love, what I need and want are similar. As far as what I need I can't tell if they're needs or just wants...I think, technically, I have everything I need. But who can really determine what really is a want and what is a need?
My heart became much more susceptible and open and with that, I hit a wall....or collided with a moose, if you will. I lost my indestructibility and as a friend graciously told me, the other day, I lost my "free spirit". Call it what you want, it has gone missing.
So now I need to reinstate it. I have issued myself a 4 week challenge, come January 2nd I'll be back to where I was happily a few months ago. These last few months have been happy, just a different style than I'm used to. I'm going to get back to where school was a main priority and I made decisions from my brain, not my emotions.
I hate it when I sound like a hippie but I'm going to get my independence back. I want to go back to when walking into a room, alone, people looked at me and they didn't look around to see who wasn't with me.
Back to when it was just me. No questions. No explanations. No expectations. Just me, being me, and very happy with who that person is.
That's all beside the point. As soon as I reached January 1st the status said "my runway never looked so clear" (a la Rihanna) and my most recent status was "feels like I just collided with a moose". Clearly, my runway wasn't as clear as I thought.
I found irony in this because this year I unintentionally started my life over, with a completely clear...runway. It started off with some amount of suffering and heartache that if you asked in January, I was never going to get over it.
Somewhere between February and September I figured out my life. That was the first time that has ever happened. As I went through a slew of half A** relationships (aside from any other year?) and was pushed back into school, I found out who I was, I know what I like, I have an idea of what I love, what I need and want are similar. As far as what I need I can't tell if they're needs or just wants...I think, technically, I have everything I need. But who can really determine what really is a want and what is a need?
My heart became much more susceptible and open and with that, I hit a wall....or collided with a moose, if you will. I lost my indestructibility and as a friend graciously told me, the other day, I lost my "free spirit". Call it what you want, it has gone missing.
So now I need to reinstate it. I have issued myself a 4 week challenge, come January 2nd I'll be back to where I was happily a few months ago. These last few months have been happy, just a different style than I'm used to. I'm going to get back to where school was a main priority and I made decisions from my brain, not my emotions.
I hate it when I sound like a hippie but I'm going to get my independence back. I want to go back to when walking into a room, alone, people looked at me and they didn't look around to see who wasn't with me.
Back to when it was just me. No questions. No explanations. No expectations. Just me, being me, and very happy with who that person is.
2 comments:
you have been waxing quite philosophical lately. I kind of enjoy it. And I must say (in my 5am-is-always-more-emotional state)that it has been a joyful year for me to have the experience of watching you grow and find yourself. and learn to love yourself for exactly who you are. You've changed a lot over the last year, and I'm just happy I got to be a part of it.
insert *like* button here.
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