Like a child

Over the summer I would take Luke on walks and he constantly fought wanting to be buckled in the stroller. It wasn't that he wanted to walk around, he just didn't want the restriction of the seat belt.

One day I didn't fight him and about half way through the walk he completely face planted. Now, I'm not exactly sure what he was doing leaning forward for no reason, but he just leaned on forward and toppled to the ground. As he cried I held him, a little dumbfounded at how the situation played out but more just feeling bad and wanting to comfort him, wanting him to feel better.

He didn't fight for about two weeks after that but then one day he refused to let me buckle him in again. I looked at him and said "You really are going to try this again? Haven't you already learned?" Right after I said it I stopped, it was like the heavens were chuckling and saying look who's talking.

I have thought a lot about the amount of love I have for Luke. He isn't my own kid and I have a love for him that you don't know is out there until you have experienced being around a child. The battles we have are constant and always over the same things. Don't jump off the couch, put those pillows back on my bed, don't hit people with golf clubs, and so on. So many times I hear the chair being dragged onto the kitchen floor so that he can get on top of the counter to get into who knows what. My patience is often tested and I usually fall short of the person that I could be in helping him grow and learn. Things like trying to teach him that if he eats his lunch, he can have a cookie. Or if he cleans up his toys he can watch mickey.

Under every circumstance that leads to frustration, there is never a day where I don't love him. Anytime I walk in the door he yells my name and runs to give me a hug. When I am in my room he sticks his fingers under the door and says "Am, Ammie, Abbie" until I let him in, usually to have a pillow fight. We have a bond and it's one that has helped me realize exactly what it must be like for our Heavenly Father. He loves us unconditionally and doesn't enjoy watching us go through hardships. But he does allow us to learn and grow, on our own.

There are two big differences about the love we have for kids and the love Heavenly Father has for us. The first being that he doesn't fall short. He doesn't get exhausted from us. He doesn't leave us alone because he just doesn't feel like getting off the couch because he has heard enough complaints for one day. Imagine the love that you have for a child and multiply it by 10 billion.

The second difference is that, like a child, we have lessons where we need to learn obedience and cause and effect. But with us it isn't always as easy as eating our carrots and getting dessert. Or if we keep our room clean all week we can have a sleep over that Friday. Sometimes we have to be obedient for an unknown amount of time and we are working towards an unspecified reward. And we do it because we know that there is something waiting for us, somewhere. We have gone through it enough in the past to know that there is always something better waiting for us, something greater than being able to stay up late with your friend and even better than a homemade cookie.

Unless the cookie lasts forever and doesn't have any calories. That would so be worth it.