I guess I won't eat worms

I have been having a very bland couple of weeks. To top it off two of my brothers are out of town so I can't even get their criticism, over facebook, that I like to pretend is their way of showing they love me.

I've said "I don't care" or "It doesn't matter" like 64 times a day for the past month.

I cared little enough that I cut my hair. I remember back in the day staring at inches of hair on the floor and thinking "what have I done?" or "I am WAY too excited", this time I just looked at it and was like "huh" not even a shoulder shrug. I didn't really care much. Some people noticed and some people didn't, either way I didn't seem to care.

With this lack of desire to bother with things ie: showering has reached the optional limit, I begin lacking in not only caring what other people think but caring how they feel. It apparently gets to some people too.

My friend..we'll call him Karla because he's been acting like such a girl, really took my carelessness to heart. He started using phrases like "it hurts when you don't want to hang out" and "it makes me feel bad and I take it personally". All right well it hurts me that you want me to change my entire personality and start wanting to stay in jeans after work and go be social.

It was this huge Karla event for like four days and I got the brunt of all his life frustrations. Even worse is that I started to feel guilt. Guilt for something other than eating chocolate filled croissants for dinner. I remember reading Rachel's (don't know how to tag blogs here otherwise I would) ((hope tag is the right word usage)) blog that was about the song called wear sunscreen and in it is says "don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't let others be reckless with yours".

Wish I would have read that sooner in my life, jeez. It would have been handy info. That line repeatedly plays over and over in my head after I say things like "maybe you should take a nap and then we can have a normal conversation" or, simply put, "you're being a baby".

Karla and I started to have another "talk" tonight and towards the end he said something I always kind of thought but never expected him to think it too he said, "Amber I might be an ass and I might have problems and I might drink too much and get tattoos but I know when God tells me people are important to me". He then went to tell me that I am in his life for a reason.

The moment was quickly ruined when he said my appreciation sounded like sarcasm. It wasn't though, my tear ducts almost started shedding.

I attract his type a lot. The tattoos and tough guy-but inside they are a total softy and incredibly sincere. For some reason that type of person is always the one that wants to be my friend. I do like to think there's reason for it. I hope that my constant lectures of your body being a temple and eye rolls at how one lives their life will eventually pay off.

That's how I show I care. I tell Karla he's dumb for drinking and a baby for whining about his life when he is in charge of it. I tell Jeremy all the time that the first Sunday he doesn't have work I better see him and his 13 tattoos at church and I bring up said church numerous times throughout any conversation we have.

So I do care. And now I will get off my high horse and stop this midnight rant.