WHERE ARE YOU?!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
lofty ambitions
I found one of my old friends blogs the other day and she has a list of 22 things she wants to accomplish by 22. I have given what things I would like to accomplish, a lot of thought because when someone asked me what my goals were the other day all I could come up with was "I really want to ride the stratosphere in Las Vegas."
Then yesterday in church the guy that isn't really hot but the way he presents himself forces you to think so, was talking to me about sky diving because it once was a topic of discussion and we were the only ones seriously wanting to. He asked if I was serious and I said yes and then he said cool, it starts next month and is $1500 then only $20 a jump after that. I somehow spit out the words "that's worth it". What I meant to say was "that's worth it when I have a spare $1500 and I'm not saying what you want to hear because I want you to think I'm awesome." It's a good goal but maybe one that I should hold off on.
I figured out it's really hard to have goals when you only see as far as two days in advance. When I moved out to Utah and started college I said I would spend two years at UVU then move on to BYU or possibly somewhere else, just as good. Clearly that wasn't going to happen so I set a better goal of kissing 20 boys by age 20. Success.
I wish I would have thought of this goal making thing at the beginning of the year (or beginning of my life), but June is good enough. Summer puts me in a more rational state of mind anyway. I have six months to come up with 22 things that I would like/need to accomplish. Maybe I'll see if I can double my number #20 by age 22. Just kidding, Dad.
I'll start with numbers one and two:
1. Ride the stratosphere
2. live through it
Here's to the next twenty...goals, that is.
Then yesterday in church the guy that isn't really hot but the way he presents himself forces you to think so, was talking to me about sky diving because it once was a topic of discussion and we were the only ones seriously wanting to. He asked if I was serious and I said yes and then he said cool, it starts next month and is $1500 then only $20 a jump after that. I somehow spit out the words "that's worth it". What I meant to say was "that's worth it when I have a spare $1500 and I'm not saying what you want to hear because I want you to think I'm awesome." It's a good goal but maybe one that I should hold off on.
I figured out it's really hard to have goals when you only see as far as two days in advance. When I moved out to Utah and started college I said I would spend two years at UVU then move on to BYU or possibly somewhere else, just as good. Clearly that wasn't going to happen so I set a better goal of kissing 20 boys by age 20. Success.
I wish I would have thought of this goal making thing at the beginning of the year (or beginning of my life), but June is good enough. Summer puts me in a more rational state of mind anyway. I have six months to come up with 22 things that I would like/need to accomplish. Maybe I'll see if I can double my number #20 by age 22. Just kidding, Dad.
I'll start with numbers one and two:
1. Ride the stratosphere
2. live through it
Here's to the next twenty...goals, that is.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I guess I won't eat worms
I have been having a very bland couple of weeks. To top it off two of my brothers are out of town so I can't even get their criticism, over facebook, that I like to pretend is their way of showing they love me.
I've said "I don't care" or "It doesn't matter" like 64 times a day for the past month.
I cared little enough that I cut my hair. I remember back in the day staring at inches of hair on the floor and thinking "what have I done?" or "I am WAY too excited", this time I just looked at it and was like "huh" not even a shoulder shrug. I didn't really care much. Some people noticed and some people didn't, either way I didn't seem to care.
With this lack of desire to bother with things ie: showering has reached the optional limit, I begin lacking in not only caring what other people think but caring how they feel. It apparently gets to some people too.
My friend..we'll call him Karla because he's been acting like such a girl, really took my carelessness to heart. He started using phrases like "it hurts when you don't want to hang out" and "it makes me feel bad and I take it personally". All right well it hurts me that you want me to change my entire personality and start wanting to stay in jeans after work and go be social.
It was this huge Karla event for like four days and I got the brunt of all his life frustrations. Even worse is that I started to feel guilt. Guilt for something other than eating chocolate filled croissants for dinner. I remember reading Rachel's (don't know how to tag blogs here otherwise I would) ((hope tag is the right word usage)) blog that was about the song called wear sunscreen and in it is says "don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't let others be reckless with yours".
Wish I would have read that sooner in my life, jeez. It would have been handy info. That line repeatedly plays over and over in my head after I say things like "maybe you should take a nap and then we can have a normal conversation" or, simply put, "you're being a baby".
Karla and I started to have another "talk" tonight and towards the end he said something I always kind of thought but never expected him to think it too he said, "Amber I might be an ass and I might have problems and I might drink too much and get tattoos but I know when God tells me people are important to me". He then went to tell me that I am in his life for a reason.
The moment was quickly ruined when he said my appreciation sounded like sarcasm. It wasn't though, my tear ducts almost started shedding.
I attract his type a lot. The tattoos and tough guy-but inside they are a total softy and incredibly sincere. For some reason that type of person is always the one that wants to be my friend. I do like to think there's reason for it. I hope that my constant lectures of your body being a temple and eye rolls at how one lives their life will eventually pay off.
That's how I show I care. I tell Karla he's dumb for drinking and a baby for whining about his life when he is in charge of it. I tell Jeremy all the time that the first Sunday he doesn't have work I better see him and his 13 tattoos at church and I bring up said church numerous times throughout any conversation we have.
So I do care. And now I will get off my high horse and stop this midnight rant.
I've said "I don't care" or "It doesn't matter" like 64 times a day for the past month.
I cared little enough that I cut my hair. I remember back in the day staring at inches of hair on the floor and thinking "what have I done?" or "I am WAY too excited", this time I just looked at it and was like "huh" not even a shoulder shrug. I didn't really care much. Some people noticed and some people didn't, either way I didn't seem to care.
With this lack of desire to bother with things ie: showering has reached the optional limit, I begin lacking in not only caring what other people think but caring how they feel. It apparently gets to some people too.
My friend..we'll call him Karla because he's been acting like such a girl, really took my carelessness to heart. He started using phrases like "it hurts when you don't want to hang out" and "it makes me feel bad and I take it personally". All right well it hurts me that you want me to change my entire personality and start wanting to stay in jeans after work and go be social.
It was this huge Karla event for like four days and I got the brunt of all his life frustrations. Even worse is that I started to feel guilt. Guilt for something other than eating chocolate filled croissants for dinner. I remember reading Rachel's (don't know how to tag blogs here otherwise I would) ((hope tag is the right word usage)) blog that was about the song called wear sunscreen and in it is says "don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't let others be reckless with yours".
Wish I would have read that sooner in my life, jeez. It would have been handy info. That line repeatedly plays over and over in my head after I say things like "maybe you should take a nap and then we can have a normal conversation" or, simply put, "you're being a baby".
Karla and I started to have another "talk" tonight and towards the end he said something I always kind of thought but never expected him to think it too he said, "Amber I might be an ass and I might have problems and I might drink too much and get tattoos but I know when God tells me people are important to me". He then went to tell me that I am in his life for a reason.
The moment was quickly ruined when he said my appreciation sounded like sarcasm. It wasn't though, my tear ducts almost started shedding.
I attract his type a lot. The tattoos and tough guy-but inside they are a total softy and incredibly sincere. For some reason that type of person is always the one that wants to be my friend. I do like to think there's reason for it. I hope that my constant lectures of your body being a temple and eye rolls at how one lives their life will eventually pay off.
That's how I show I care. I tell Karla he's dumb for drinking and a baby for whining about his life when he is in charge of it. I tell Jeremy all the time that the first Sunday he doesn't have work I better see him and his 13 tattoos at church and I bring up said church numerous times throughout any conversation we have.
So I do care. And now I will get off my high horse and stop this midnight rant.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Generation Me
While I was in Wisconsin one of our family friends started talking about generations of people. Baby boomers, generation x, then there is generation y but the slightly younger generation as well, also known as the "peter pan" generation because of the lack of growing up. He called it generation me. Hit the nail on the head with that one.
It is safe to say that people in their late twenties down to late teens live in a world that revolves around them to a point more extreme than generations before. Given the fact that all of us have at least one website dedicated strictly to ourselves. I have two. I have a website that you type in my name and all these stories and random facts about me, my life, my thoughts, come up- for anyone in the world to see. And if you join a network and type in my name, you can see pictures of me and essentially track my entire day to day life from 2006 and on. People buy into that stuff.
I think the difference between us and people ten or so years older than us is that they were told you can do anything you want, while we are being told you can do whatever you want. Just like everything else-we take advantage of that statement.
Now, I love this generation. I like the spirit everyone carries with them and the independent thinking. The problem is it seems to stop at the thought and doesn't get put into action. The phrase "I'm not ready" is such a crock and it is said repeatedly by this generation. I'm not ready for marriage, I'm not ready to go to school, I'll go back to church but I'm not ready. Even worse is that, that, is an acceptable excuse. But if you say "I just don't want to" people think you are irresponsible and lazy. Which is logical. I typically shrug my shoulders and mumble something in hopes that the subject will be changed.
Everyone seems so fearless. We all want to go sky diving and buy motorcycles and do crazy tricks on longboards and what not. We are invincible, yet we are so afraid of committing. If I go to school that means I have to pick a major and what if I don't like that major? Then I have to start over. So I might as well not bother. I get by supporting me just fine. If I get married then that means that someone else is sleeping in my bed. Someone will be in my comfort zone and someone will ask me where I have been, where I am going, and why I bought what I bought or did what I did. That someone has to know your life mistakes and what debt you have too. **Disclaimer-those are thoughts of the general generation, not solely my own.
We do a lot of whatever. We care about what we care about-and we let everyone else care about the rest. The things we want are usually things we can get. If we can't get them right then, we find a way to get them right then, or we accept it and find something else. We don't really know what we're doing but everyone seems so happy doing whatever it is they are doing.
It's a pretty good bunch of people this generation has. A very glass half full, happy go lucky, love one another-generation. I am certain one day we will figure it all out. But, for now, maybe we just aren't ready.
It is safe to say that people in their late twenties down to late teens live in a world that revolves around them to a point more extreme than generations before. Given the fact that all of us have at least one website dedicated strictly to ourselves. I have two. I have a website that you type in my name and all these stories and random facts about me, my life, my thoughts, come up- for anyone in the world to see. And if you join a network and type in my name, you can see pictures of me and essentially track my entire day to day life from 2006 and on. People buy into that stuff.
I think the difference between us and people ten or so years older than us is that they were told you can do anything you want, while we are being told you can do whatever you want. Just like everything else-we take advantage of that statement.
Now, I love this generation. I like the spirit everyone carries with them and the independent thinking. The problem is it seems to stop at the thought and doesn't get put into action. The phrase "I'm not ready" is such a crock and it is said repeatedly by this generation. I'm not ready for marriage, I'm not ready to go to school, I'll go back to church but I'm not ready. Even worse is that, that, is an acceptable excuse. But if you say "I just don't want to" people think you are irresponsible and lazy. Which is logical. I typically shrug my shoulders and mumble something in hopes that the subject will be changed.
Everyone seems so fearless. We all want to go sky diving and buy motorcycles and do crazy tricks on longboards and what not. We are invincible, yet we are so afraid of committing. If I go to school that means I have to pick a major and what if I don't like that major? Then I have to start over. So I might as well not bother. I get by supporting me just fine. If I get married then that means that someone else is sleeping in my bed. Someone will be in my comfort zone and someone will ask me where I have been, where I am going, and why I bought what I bought or did what I did. That someone has to know your life mistakes and what debt you have too. **Disclaimer-those are thoughts of the general generation, not solely my own.
We do a lot of whatever. We care about what we care about-and we let everyone else care about the rest. The things we want are usually things we can get. If we can't get them right then, we find a way to get them right then, or we accept it and find something else. We don't really know what we're doing but everyone seems so happy doing whatever it is they are doing.
It's a pretty good bunch of people this generation has. A very glass half full, happy go lucky, love one another-generation. I am certain one day we will figure it all out. But, for now, maybe we just aren't ready.
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