Almost Fine

I just need to get this out and then I will be able to go on my merry way. And I'm sorry for how vague this is going to be. It's all part of the fun.

I had somebody beat my game. I have been playing a particular game for quite some time now. Some people make it as far as level three but nobody ever passes that. They lose for various reasons, typically reasons dealing with being over bearing, having no life, or desperation. But this person wasn't any of those. This person made it to level one right off the bat...they had my interest...then they made it to level two...they kept my interest. Level three is the hard one but they made it, they not only kept me interested but now I was just intrigued. Nobody has ever, ever made it this far into the game. And I have never wanted more than one person to get there.They had everything that a person trying to beat my game needs to have.

There was one thing they were lacking but with their response to the topic, they won. I had no plan on anyone ever truly beating my game. I had a few people that I would say..yeah if this and this change, they could maybe win. I had no intention of letting this person win. They were not supposed to win, and with their job, they couldn't win. But then something happened...a change in their life that meant that winning was a possibility. So, I did what I thought was the thing to do and I just freakin let them win. I got rid of the majority of my pride, let my guard down, and let this person beat every level of my stupid game. I started making plans and being optimistic about future both short term and long term. The realistic part of my brain toppled out the window.

Then that thing in their life that changed, suddenly switched back to how it was in the beginning. The thing that would prevent anyone from ever winning my game. I never thought it would be me. I was unbeatable...my game could not be won! I was indestructable and had a heart of steal. But now the plans I started thinking about need to be put on hold.

This is why I don't EVER make a plan, it's pointless. This is why I call myself a realist, because anything more positive than that can and will let me down. There are still options for the both of us, so I'm not calling it quits. I'm not giving up and I'll still hold on to hope. I'm not accepting defeat, but I can't stand the feeling that I might be losing.