Go shorty, it's your birthday.

Tomorrow is my mothers 17th, 30th birthday.

There is one word to describe my mother and that is FABULOUS. I love my mom so much. I know I can call her and talk to her about anything and she pays attention to what I have to say. I always hated it when I was a teenager and she would say things like "I've been there too". It drove me absolutely crazy. But now I have come to realize that she really has been there, and back, and there again, and back again...and she knows exactly what she's talking about (except for the whole "eating the crust on bread makes your teeth stronger" thing...I doubt it).My mom has raised each and every one of her six kids to be strong in the gospel and to set good examples to those around us. And she has done it succesfully! I hope she realizes what an accomplishment that is. It seems like she knew what she was doing from day one and she always knew the right punishment for each kid. I cannot wait for the day when I can use the phrase "peace or force"...that means you can do what she asks peacefully or she can force you to do it :).

I love my mother. She has been such an example to me and is someone I can tell everything to and she gets it. Even when it's something like "Hey mom...I'm flying across the country...to meet a boy". I hope that I can be half of the mother that she has been for me. She always knows what to say and she can remain calm under any situation. I am sure she questioned her sanity at times...like when she pulls into the driveway to see snowmen on the roof...holes in the wall from rollerblades being thrown...a stray cat in the closet... There were days when I thought our family wouldn't make it but somehow she got us through each and every one of lifes HUGE and small trials. I don't know how she did it.



I look up to my mom more than she will ever know. I hope that I can be a mom just like her. She has such a strong testimony of the gospel and in all of my 20 years I have never had to question the church because I could see it's truthfulness through my mom and her example. I hope I can have 1/8th of her patience and love, for my kids, that she has had for each one of us.

Mom, I'm sorry I wasn't an easy kid to raise and that I spent more of my childhood throwing tantrums and screaming at my brothers than anything. Thank you so much for always being there with a warm chocolate chip cookie and words of wisdom. I love you so much.

Happy Birthday!

Almost Fine

I just need to get this out and then I will be able to go on my merry way. And I'm sorry for how vague this is going to be. It's all part of the fun.

I had somebody beat my game. I have been playing a particular game for quite some time now. Some people make it as far as level three but nobody ever passes that. They lose for various reasons, typically reasons dealing with being over bearing, having no life, or desperation. But this person wasn't any of those. This person made it to level one right off the bat...they had my interest...then they made it to level two...they kept my interest. Level three is the hard one but they made it, they not only kept me interested but now I was just intrigued. Nobody has ever, ever made it this far into the game. And I have never wanted more than one person to get there.They had everything that a person trying to beat my game needs to have.

There was one thing they were lacking but with their response to the topic, they won. I had no plan on anyone ever truly beating my game. I had a few people that I would say..yeah if this and this change, they could maybe win. I had no intention of letting this person win. They were not supposed to win, and with their job, they couldn't win. But then something happened...a change in their life that meant that winning was a possibility. So, I did what I thought was the thing to do and I just freakin let them win. I got rid of the majority of my pride, let my guard down, and let this person beat every level of my stupid game. I started making plans and being optimistic about future both short term and long term. The realistic part of my brain toppled out the window.

Then that thing in their life that changed, suddenly switched back to how it was in the beginning. The thing that would prevent anyone from ever winning my game. I never thought it would be me. I was unbeatable...my game could not be won! I was indestructable and had a heart of steal. But now the plans I started thinking about need to be put on hold.

This is why I don't EVER make a plan, it's pointless. This is why I call myself a realist, because anything more positive than that can and will let me down. There are still options for the both of us, so I'm not calling it quits. I'm not giving up and I'll still hold on to hope. I'm not accepting defeat, but I can't stand the feeling that I might be losing.